HOLY SHIT.

I was cleaning up my documents folder and came across a file that had the address to this blog as well as the sign in information. I completely forgot I even had this blog! I guess it was rather short lived... the approx 10 posts aren't too impressive but a nice attempt for my 16 year old self. My God I feel old now! I'm almost 21 and this blog has been sitting out here on the internet with my name on it for anyone to read? A disturbing thought but somewhat appealing so I decided to do the usual "Me" thing and take it to the next level. I mean, I'm only taking 18 hours, play a club sport, am in a sorority, and spend a ridiculous amount of time at the bar, but what the hell? I can keep a blog. I'm a responsible university student on my way to becoming a productive citizen in the great United freakin' States of America, am I not? Oh, I am. And I intend to keep my many readers (cough) informed of my progress.

Which, I might add as a warning, is not impressive. Let's just say I suck up enough to my profs to get As and show up to the minimum amount of meetings to put shit on my resume and spend the rest of my time engaging in procrastination activities. Some (though very, very few) are somewhat "educational," like this blog, but the vast majority involve large amounts of beer, drugs, sex, and otherwise making a fool of myself in public.

Don't go getting too excited. This is not a diary. I have a journal for most of the juicy details of my life (because it IS juicy) but I'm sure I can think of some stupid shit to write about on here. Tips, life lessons, WORDLY COLLEGE ADVICE? I'm sure the parents of freshmen girls everywhere will be thrilled to have me (a respectable, intelligent role model) giving their daughters such helpful and supportive advice.

Needless to say, I know a lot more than I did when I was the "oh so wise" 16 year old that started this blog, but I still don't really know shit. I'm an American college student, how much could I really know? BUT the good news is that although I'm sadly uninformed about world events and actually IMPORTANT things, I DO know quite a lot about college life and how to avoid looking like a complete FROSH (usually....we all have our nights)

Some topics I plan to cover during my "free" time (I say "free" because that implies it's really time I should be reading my textbooks or writing papers that I really don't give a damn about.):

-BOYS. oh. how we love them. i actually have a lovely rant on the subject of being a whiny psycho bitch. Hold your "boys are assholess!!!!!!" complaint until you read this. Maybe its not really them that's the issue?

-PROFS. sounds totally lame, right? But really, if you want to get away with doing all the other things I'll discuss in this blog, you need to learn how to handle your profs. They hold the keys to those little As you need on your report to stay in school so you can keep partying.

-DGAF....for those of you who don't know what this stands for, let me clarify: DON'T GIVE A FUCK. People always say to me, "How are you so LAID BACK about this??? AREN'T YOU UPSET?" And I say no, DGAF. because that's how you avoid drama and have fun. It's not always easy but it's always worth it.

-GIRLS. God, they're almost worse than BOYS. they bitch, they steal your clothes, and maybe even your boyfriend. But they're here to stay and you're going to have to deal with them so you might as well learn to do it to your advantage.

-RUMORS.... wooooooo scandalous! Learning to love the shit talk.

-being a YES person. say yes, yes, yes! As one of my favorite people Marilyn Monroe said, "Ever notice how 'what the hell' is always the right answer?"

-being a REAL person. my favorite kind of people. they're so much more fun. And there's a pretty easy way to identify them (hint: it's MARIJUANA)

-DRUGS. Now I don't claim to be an expert, but I think I can probably introduce you to some new information you might not have heard.

-FRESHMAN FIFTEEN. we all fear it, most of us experience part of it.

-STRESS. although this may be combined with DGAF

-BOOZE. take the shot, bitch.

-RULES OF BEING A FRESHMAN. I'm gonna go ahead and point out that attending a frat party and being rude to the girls there is one of many BAD ideas. You will fuck yourself for the next 4 years, believe me.

God I can talk. Just imagine me after a few snorted adderall, it's out of control. But it's 4am, and I have about 4 weeks worth of homework to accomplish before tonight so I can get fucked up for the football game. Let's hope I actually keep this updated this time around and MAYBE I'll even get a few readers....?

But if I don't....DGAF.

xoxo bitches.

Resolutions

1) Lose 10 pounds.
2) Write in here more often.
3) Get some readers? (how does one do this anyway?)
4) Stop popping pimples, it only makes them worse.
5) Turn in my applications for ALL clubs.
6) Stop being so goddamn lazy.
7) Practice driving.
8) Make new friends. Honestly.
9) Learn how to steal beer from Kroger.
10) Clean my room. It's horrendous.

Other news:

My cat died Wednesday. Or rather, my mom put her to sleep b/c she was going to die anyway but of course my mom didn't TELL me and just took her when i was at school. Bitch. I cried.

I got the leads in both plays at my school. Hopefully it won't be complete hell this year even though our student director hates me and a certain person keeps talking about how we need to practice our kiss. Gross.

I have the grades to be in NHS! Who would have guessed? I also got nominated for some leadership thing that I have to get interviewed for.

Weekends suck ass. I haven't had a drink in over a week and I eat to much with weed.

I'm fat. Okay, maybe not fat, but it feels like it. I feel so gross and fattyish and I need to fix that.
Weight: about 122... whoa gross. Weight I need to be: 112. And that's not me being anorexic b/c 112 is a healthy weight for my age and height. So is 122 but that's beside the point.

School pictures are next week and I keep breaking out like a mo fo. I never break out! Why now? And my medacine only making my skin red and in alot of pain.

I'm tired of always being the one who gets invited to parties and all my friends just assuming they can go to. And if i have nothing to do, we're fucked.

I need new friends. ASAP.

changing for better or for worse?

We all go through that point in our life, where we change a great deal. Most of us probably go through more than one of these changes. It's just growing up, right?

The summer before my sophmore year in highschool was the first of these changes. I lost alot of friends, but I got alot of new ones too, and the ones I really cared about stayed with me through it all. You lose some, you gain some, I guess.

I'm still changing, and I think it's for the better. Kind of that growing up, making mistakes and learning from them,right? Why does everyone else worry about it so much? Don't they have their own issues to deal with? I feel like I'm always being babied. I just want to grow up on my own, I don't need 398754 parents.

But at the same time... do I need them?

It's only life... right?

Life Lessons

1) Never let a drunk person make themselves a "mixed" drink. It will end up being 99% alcohol.
2) Jack Daniels: The nice warm sensation isn't worth it.
3) Don't ask friends to watch your back. Unless they are really an angel sent by God to protect you, after a few drinks they will find it amusing to push you into doing exactly what you didn't want to do.
4) Drugs and alcohol are probably not the best things to mix together.
5) Throwing up does not mean you won't have a hangover the next day.
6) Unless you want to drown, you probably shouldn't swim and drink.
7) Pictures of you running around looking like a dumbass with a beer in your hand? Wait until your 21. It won't end well. Trust me.
8) You know that rhyme: "Liquor before Beer, have no fear. Beer before Liquor, never been sicker."? It may sounds like an old wives tale, and it might be. But it's also true.
9) In drivers ed, when they tell you that the only cure from being drunk is time, well, they aren't kidding. They actually aren't quite as dumb as they seem.
10) Hangover Suck,

Ah, the things you learn in highschool.

The DMV...what's it good for?

I am at a loss for words.
I am nearly 16 and a half and I FAILED MY PERMIT TEST!

To my credit, I did take Driver's Ed in October... so it's been a while. However, this is completely unacceptable...and not my fault. I was going along quite nicely in the test, knowing when to slow down, what lights to use, when to signal... when I got to the dreaded questions... DRUNK DRIVING.

Sample Question: "What is the point system?"
Me: Huh? There's a point system? I swear we never learned that...A?
WRONG!!!!

Sample Question: "What penalty occurs on the second DWI?"
Me: Uh....C?
WRONG!!!

I mean, how would I know what the penalty for drunk driving is? I've never even driven, let alone drive under the influence. A more important question..."What should you never do while driving?" Now THAT I could answer, but these vague legal questions are pointless. Do I look like a lawyer to them?

So I ended up having to settle for an ID card, because I need identification for my trip to NJ in August. While I was trying to decide whether to smile or not... CLICK! So I came out with a half smile and cold eyes. It could be worse though, so overall not so bad.

As for why I waited almost a year to get my ass to the DMV... don't ask. I really don't know. It was probably a combination of my extreme laziness, procrastination tendencies, and fear of governmental agencies... and this fear is not unfounded. Government agencies are scary places. Take the DMV for example. First off, the lighting it awful, so everyone looks like they have an issue with picking the right foundation (probably why everyone's pictures suck). Second of all, everyone wears the DRABBEST (is that a word?) colors. I realized after about 15 minutes that I, in my bright blue t-shirt, was the only one with any taste in clothing. Yes, it was my school powder puff shirt, but at least it had life! Everyone else was sporting these horrible, puke-stained, out-of-season....rags. I felt like I had walked into the unemployment office with all the frowning faces. Do these people ever smile? I get sick of standing in line too, but I entertained myself by doing impressions of my Driver's Ed teacher for my mom. She was a slightly large woman with too tight jeans, and those clingy shirts that only magnified her saggy boobs. She often mentioned how "rude" and "inconsiderate" other drivers were, and her favorite thing to say was, "It just pissed me off! Seeing those cars just cuttin' right in! So RUDE!" If she is ever charged with assaulting another driver, I will NOT be surprised. Anyway, I was probably the only person smiling in there, and people resented me for it. I could just feel it. Strangers were looking at me in disgust as if to say, "How DARE you enjoy your summer you insolent child?"

On the other hand, the monotony of these people's jobs must kill them. By the time it was my turn, I had memorized the officer's (or whatever you want to call her) interrogation script.
"Do you suffer from seizures? Do you have any heart conditions? Do you wish to become a donor? Do you wear glasses? Please read the letters starting with the last line... the signs now please. Do you have any problems with drugs or alcohol? Please sign here. Please wait here. Thank you." Honestly, I could probably go in there and get a job right now.

But back to my test. I felt a little better when everyone I talked to told me they failed at least once, and in one of my friend's cases... three times.

What really pissed me off though, was when my mom (not me, because I'm a failure) was driving to the store, and this car just pulled in front of us with NO warning, signal, etc.

And I just thought, so HE (obviously a lawyer by his car) gets his license, but I, a poor actress/student can't? I would never not use my signal!

And they say America is an equal oppertunity country. Assholes.

Bex is Sex

Since I live literally next door to Barnes and Noble, I often find myself there when I have nothing else to do. I'll just buy myself a cup of Starbucks, pick up a few (okay, maybe more like 20) books, and curl up in one of those amazing chairs to read.

The other day I was reading a book that urged me to find my "inner female fatale." A "female fatale," according to the book, is a woman who everyone wants to know and admires. One of the suggestions in this book was to create a new name for yourself, a sort of nickname that was a little more sexy than your everyday "Janet" or "Pam." Apparently, the author of this book felt that changing your name could change how people viewed you. Sound silly? Maybe a little, but there might be some truth in it.

When I asked my mom why she picked such a boring name as "Rebekah" for me, she told me it was because she wanted me to be respected by my coworkers when the time came for me to get a job. Huh? I ended up with a boring name so people would think "Oh, her name is Rebekah, let's listen to her!" She said names like "Tiffany" sounded silly, but "Rebekah" sounded like a pretty girl with a good head on her shoulders. Whatever Mom.

For an example of this "femme fatale" persona, the author used her own. Legally, she was Jen, but she loved martinis, and so had started to go by "Gin." A subtle difference, but not your everyday name, and it gave a little insight to her personality.

What could my "female fatale" name be? What sexy and slightly different name could possibly derive from Rebekah? A few of my friends had started to call me "Bekks" to shorten my name, just like I call my friend Rachel "Rach" and so on. Bekks was a cool name, I thought. Who else is named Bekks? Then one day a friend of mine jokingly said "Bex, you're the sex." And so, I began to go by Bex. I told a guy friend of mine that I wanted to be called that, and he said "Oh wow, that's a flirty name." How perfect! "Female Fatales" should be flirty.

This past weekend at camp I introduced myself at Bex. Everyone was kind of intruiged by it, because they had never met another Bex before.

And I found out that the book was right, changing your name can push you one step closer to achieving that "female fatale" status. Everytime someone says my name, it makes me feel special and I know that they are definetly talking to me, and not one of the million other girls with my name. When I hear the name Bex, it makes me think of a confident, funny girl, who is a little bit different. I think that's who I am, and how I would like to be viewed.

So, however ridiculous it might sound, maybe you should create a sort of "female fatale" persona for yourself. Not someone you aren't, just all your best qualities rolled up in one, with a name to fit. A name that will make you think "hey, that's me!" everytime you hear it.

Go for it.

It's Only Life

Hm... interesting choice name for a blog. It's actually the name of a song by Kate Voegele that I'm listening to at the moment. I never feel extremely creative at 9:30 am in the summer when I've been up since 3:30 am, so it seemed an appropriate title. However, I disagree slightly. I mean, ONLY life? We're not talking about a few gained pounds or a bad date. It's LIFE, not ONLY life. You only got one shot, so I don't see the unimportance of it, but so be it. I suppose singers run out of things to write about sooner or later and are left to squander away their talent on not-so-true but at-least-they-rhyme lyrics.

Now, why I was up at 3:30 in the summer. My sister, she's 13, left for New York this morning. She's studying (psychology, philosophy, and other subjects pursued by intellectuals) at Vassar for 3 weeks with other smart and gifted kids from around the U.S. If only we were all so lucky...

I figured I could pull the "I woke up at 3am to say goodbye and take you to the airport." thing if she ever needs reminding about what a wonderful sister I am. Because really, she should be thankful. I'll be a senior when she starts highschool, meaning she has an instant "in" with upperclassmen, and I'll probably be forced into giving her rides. How can she complain?

Starting this blog, I was a little disappointed with technology when I was informed that, no, "password" could not be my password. Unoriginal maybe, but if I was trying to hack someone's account, "password" would not be my first guess. I was told that my password must be AT LEAST 6 characters, and must contain letters AND numbers. Hm, sound like the "forgot your password?" button will be used alot in the next few weeks. I can memorize an entire script in a few short hours, but my mind doesn't seem to find random letter and numbers jumbled together to be important in my everyday life.

Then, I had to confirm my account by retyping the following symbols. Normally, the website will just give you something resembling your new-and-improved-but-somehow-still-gets-hacked password. Today, however, it said "word" and this so-called-word was "Canina." I ask you, is that actually a word? In english? I looked it up on dictionary.com and the closest result I got was Can-Ina, a small town only god knows where. What in the world....?

But I digress, I'm sixteen years old, blonde, and live in about the most boring place in the entire world, North Carolina. Here, it's never too hot and never too cold, just always too humid for anyone with real hair. It's the summer before Junior year, and I've always meant to keep a journal or blog. I just never get around to it. Perhaps I will be able to improve my writing skills and keep myself out of too much trouble. Or maybe not.